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Post by ss on Feb 8, 2008 1:58:27 GMT
WINTER BLONDE
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...
"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Pennsylvania and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!" ;D
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Post by Alrik on Apr 2, 2008 19:29:07 GMT
Found at RPGWatch:
An attractive blonde arrived at the casino and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed "YES, YES, I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORY Not all blondes are dumb; but all men are men.
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Post by ss on Apr 18, 2008 13:18:25 GMT
Curtains > > > A Blonde goes to Bed Bath & Beyond to buy curtains. She tells the clerk, >"I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains. > > "The clerk assures her that they have a large selection of pink >curtains. She shows her several patterns but the blonde seems to be having >a hard time choosing. > > Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. > > The clerk then asks what size curtains she needs. > > The blonde promptly replies, "Seventeen inches." > > "Seventeen inches?" asked the clerk. "That sounds very small. What room >are they for?" > > The blonde says, "They aren't for a room. They are for my new computer >monitor. > > "The surprised clerk replies, "But Miss, computers do not need >curtains!" > > >The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo ... I've got Windoooooows.......
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Post by rockergrl on Apr 20, 2008 14:30:00 GMT
Curtains > > > A Blonde goes to Bed Bath & Beyond to buy curtains. She tells the clerk, >"I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains. > > "The clerk assures her that they have a large selection of pink >curtains. She shows her several patterns but the blonde seems to be having >a hard time choosing. > > Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. > > The clerk then asks what size curtains she needs. > > The blonde promptly replies, "Seventeen inches." > > "Seventeen inches?" asked the clerk. "That sounds very small. What room >are they for?" > > The blonde says, "They aren't for a room. They are for my new computer >monitor. > > "The surprised clerk replies, "But Miss, computers do not need >curtains!" > > >The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo ... I've got Windoooooows....... Loved that one!
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Post by ss on May 31, 2008 2:21:16 GMT
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up. The husband said, 'Who was that?' The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
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Post by ss on May 31, 2008 19:59:36 GMT
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.' A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?' The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy . it's W.' ;D
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Post by ss on May 31, 2008 20:04:20 GMT
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
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Post by rockergrl on Jun 5, 2008 15:57:51 GMT
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his beautiful, blond, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"
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rhiian
Chaosite
One person making something up is a liar, but a bunch of people doing it is Government.
Posts: 661
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Post by rhiian on Jun 5, 2008 19:41:53 GMT
might have been posted but i cbb to read all the jokes lol what do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? pull the pin out and throw it back * a blonde a brunette and a red head are marooned on a desert island. they soon discover a magical hermit who says they can all have one wish. the brunette wishes to go see her family and POOF disappears, off the island for good the red head wishes she cud go back to her dog and POOF disappears, off the island for good. the blonde starts crying and says 'i wish my friends came back' and POOF the brunette and red head returned. they suck i know :]
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Post by ss on Jun 9, 2008 3:57:32 GMT
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'
;D
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Post by Galadriel on Jun 9, 2008 11:58:53 GMT
Rhiian and ss
How can you see that a blonde has her periods? She's got a tampon behind her ear and is looking for her pencil
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Post by ss on Jun 9, 2008 20:35:26 GMT
Too true...
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Post by ss on Jun 9, 2008 20:41:21 GMT
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!' ;D
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rhiian
Chaosite
One person making something up is a liar, but a bunch of people doing it is Government.
Posts: 661
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Post by rhiian on Jun 9, 2008 21:00:00 GMT
^ LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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mobbie
Chaosite
Lalala
Posts: 906
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Post by mobbie on Jun 9, 2008 22:00:18 GMT
haha SS that's really good ^_^
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Post by Galadriel on Jun 9, 2008 22:25:39 GMT
ss
Q:Why did the blonde take her new scarf back to the store?
A: It was too tight ----------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
A: They're too hard to re-train.
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Post by ss on Aug 12, 2008 4:09:37 GMT
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, 'I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?' The blonde said, 'I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.' The milkman asked, 'Do you want it pasteurized?' The blonde said, 'No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my face'
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Post by ss on Feb 14, 2009 15:44:43 GMT
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap a way from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup; she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune.....
Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
And you thought all they did was say Hello. ;D
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