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Post by ss on May 10, 2007 15:44:30 GMT
Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," Bubba said, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down.
Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.
Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde? We ask for the height, and she gives us the length." ;D
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Post by cleglaw on May 12, 2007 17:50:12 GMT
A blond and a brunette went for a job interview
The brunette is called in first. The boss Draws a Big BOLD M on the Black Board, and asks Buta:
"what is this"?
.............. "M for Mother" is the brunette's reply.
The blond is all over the brunette as she comes out ... What did she ask you? The blond memorizes the Answer (M for Mother).
The blond is caught unawares with a big bold W on the Board. The blond cant make heads or tails of the Letter on the Board. She says, "It Looks like that brunette's Mother, but why does she have her legs in the air?"
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Post by ss on Aug 24, 2007 0:25:28 GMT
A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It was not very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, what are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer. "Oh, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.
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Post by ss on Sept 7, 2007 17:00:14 GMT
She was Soooooooo Blonde . . * She thought a quarterback was a refund. * She thought General Motors was in the army. * She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. * She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. * At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."
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Post by ss on Oct 4, 2007 0:37:15 GMT
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, "what the heck", and I starting jumping up and down along with her. She said, "I have some really great news!" I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy." She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant. I knew she'd been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great I couldn't be happier for you!" Then she said, "There's more" I asked, What do you mean there's more. She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said.... (You're going to love this!) "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!" ;D
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Post by Galadriel on Oct 4, 2007 8:59:59 GMT
Looooool!!! ;D Good one ss!!!
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Post by Konrad Flameheart on Oct 12, 2007 8:49:58 GMT
SS: Oh dear
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Post by rockergrl on Oct 22, 2007 22:23:47 GMT
SS: LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! Omg that's a good one
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Post by ss on Nov 8, 2007 5:36:29 GMT
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.? After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
Startled, the blond moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
The blond, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "IS THAT YOU LORD?" The voice replied,
"NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK"
;D
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Post by ss on Nov 28, 2007 18:21:39 GMT
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?" The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."
;D
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Post by ss on Dec 14, 2007 22:24:22 GMT
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air. She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me?" "Stay! Stay!" The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and said, "Why don't you just put it in park?"
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Post by ss on Dec 14, 2007 22:26:22 GMT
Football explained by a blonde: A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!! ;D
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Post by Galadriel on Dec 14, 2007 22:50:32 GMT
Football explained by a blonde: A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!! ;D
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Post by Alrik on Dec 16, 2007 20:49:39 GMT
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Post by ss on Jan 12, 2008 15:57:02 GMT
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have got a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box it's a tiger." He decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in, and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble all of these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..." he sighed. "Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box."
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Post by Alrik on Jan 12, 2008 18:24:48 GMT
LOL !! Besides, there is an adventure called "So Blone" in development.
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Post by ss on Jan 13, 2008 17:46:19 GMT
BLONDE'S YEAR IN REVIEW January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. *********** February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.... Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!! *********** March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said '2-4 years!' *********** April - Trapped on escalator for hours..... Power went out!!! *********** May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! *********** June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope. *********** July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! ********** August - Got locked out of my car in rainstorm.....car swamped because soft-top was open. *********** September - The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it *********** October - Hate M&M's.....they are so hard to peel. *********** November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days. Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!! *********** December - Couldn't call 911....'duh'........ there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!! What a year!!!!!! ;D
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Post by Galadriel on Jan 13, 2008 18:11:32 GMT
@ ss!!
How can you see when a blonde has her periods?
She's looking for her pencil and got a tampon behind her ear ;D
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Post by ss on Jan 13, 2008 19:28:27 GMT
True.... Here are some more.. BLONDE IN A BMW A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburator." She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Yesterday you took my license away, and today you expect me to show it to you!" EXPOSURE A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says,"Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why officer?" "Because your breast is hanging out." he says. She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!" KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!" BLONDE ON THE SUN A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!! " The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not that stupid. We're going at night!" IN A VACUUM A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is the vacuum on or off?" FINAL EXAM The blonde reports for her university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and! No, for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out. During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers." THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES! A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new dogs She asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "HelOOOOOOO," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!" ;D
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Post by Galadriel on Jan 14, 2008 10:44:32 GMT
Where do they keep coming from!!
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