Post by twoheadedragon on Aug 19, 2009 7:19:50 GMT
By Dave Barry, Miami Herald
I have here a shocking letter from a person named "Julia," who openly admits to being a woman. It concerns laundry.
As you men know, laundry is a key area in which we have long enjoyed a tactical advantage over women, thanks to the fact that, through a combination of genetics and instinct, we are pigs.
A man can live happily in a confined space with a mass of unwashed garments so funky that his shirts wrap their sleeves around his ankles as he walks past, hoping he will drag them to a laundromat; and his undershorts, which have developed primitive bacterial feet, crawl around and arrange themselves on the floor to form the words FOR GOD'S SAKE WASH US. Every year, thousands of pedestrians collapse while walking past male-occupied college dormitories, overcome by sock fumes.
So in most relationships, women wind up doing the laundry. To compensate, we men assume full responsibility for more masculine, but equally necessary, household tasks, such as making sure that the TV channel is changed regularly.
This traditional division of labor is now threatened by Julia, who reveals that she has developed a shocking tactic--a tactic that threatens to undermine the very fabric that underlies the foundation for the infrastructure of our way of life as we know it in terms of metaphors. Julia uses SEX to get her husband to do laundry.
"I tell him it gets me hot," she writes. "Every time I need laundry done, I put my arms around him and tell him how excited I get just watching him. I tell him if he folds it and puts it away, I am beside myself. I make love to him right by the washing machine. I have found that he folds laundry better than I do."
Men, we must ask ourselves: What if other women start using their wiles this way? Would it work? Are we, as a gender, so easily manipulated, so mindlessly lust-crazed? Are we willing to trade our independence--and, yes, our dignity--for a few seconds of cheap physical gratification? Are we that weak, that pathetic?
Let's remember to hand-wash those delicates.
I have here a shocking letter from a person named "Julia," who openly admits to being a woman. It concerns laundry.
As you men know, laundry is a key area in which we have long enjoyed a tactical advantage over women, thanks to the fact that, through a combination of genetics and instinct, we are pigs.
A man can live happily in a confined space with a mass of unwashed garments so funky that his shirts wrap their sleeves around his ankles as he walks past, hoping he will drag them to a laundromat; and his undershorts, which have developed primitive bacterial feet, crawl around and arrange themselves on the floor to form the words FOR GOD'S SAKE WASH US. Every year, thousands of pedestrians collapse while walking past male-occupied college dormitories, overcome by sock fumes.
So in most relationships, women wind up doing the laundry. To compensate, we men assume full responsibility for more masculine, but equally necessary, household tasks, such as making sure that the TV channel is changed regularly.
This traditional division of labor is now threatened by Julia, who reveals that she has developed a shocking tactic--a tactic that threatens to undermine the very fabric that underlies the foundation for the infrastructure of our way of life as we know it in terms of metaphors. Julia uses SEX to get her husband to do laundry.
"I tell him it gets me hot," she writes. "Every time I need laundry done, I put my arms around him and tell him how excited I get just watching him. I tell him if he folds it and puts it away, I am beside myself. I make love to him right by the washing machine. I have found that he folds laundry better than I do."
Men, we must ask ourselves: What if other women start using their wiles this way? Would it work? Are we, as a gender, so easily manipulated, so mindlessly lust-crazed? Are we willing to trade our independence--and, yes, our dignity--for a few seconds of cheap physical gratification? Are we that weak, that pathetic?
Let's remember to hand-wash those delicates.