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Post by Elliot Kane on Mar 13, 2010 9:57:02 GMT
As you've doubtless seen from the Forum News thread, poor Fughawzi is ill right now and could use some entertaining. Please post funny videos, best wishes and anything else you think might help her feel better or keep her entertained in her convalescence. Hopefully, we can help her feel a bit better  |
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Post by Ubereil on Mar 13, 2010 14:12:11 GMT
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Post by ss on Mar 14, 2010 4:26:12 GMT
Cheer up Zee...that's an order...  |
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Post by LaFille on Mar 14, 2010 22:05:12 GMT
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Post by Galadriel on Mar 14, 2010 22:17:59 GMT
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Post by Ubereil on Mar 15, 2010 17:06:31 GMT
My friend Tina (the sporty type, with very short hair, who isn't really my friend since I stole this one online) teaches at an elementary school. Last week a new kid asked her:
"Who are you?"
"I'm Ms. B., your teacher."
"Are you a man or a woman?"
"A woman."
"Do you have breasts?"
"Yeees."
"Will you bring them with you tomorrow?"
__________________________________________________
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver's side. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.
"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"Ahhh!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex!"
Übereil
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Post by Hand-E-Food on Mar 15, 2010 22:03:39 GMT
A suburban pub is absolutely going off tonight. A policeman is waiting out the front to book any drunk patrons who try to drive home.
About 15 minutes before closing time, one patron stumbles out. He stumbles so far that he collapses on the car parked out front. After laying there for half a minute, he stands up and starts to wander along the line of cars.
The policeman watches all of this, shaking his head in disbelief.
The man stops at one car and begins to go through his pockets, trying to find his car keys. It takes several minutes for him to find them and several more to pull the tangled mess out of his pocket.
By this time, other patrons are starting to leave the pub, get into their cars and drive off.
The man finally finds the car key among the bunch, but can't for the life of him unlock the car door. Finally, he cries out in frustration, slaps the car door, and stumbles up the road to where his car is actually parked.
The policeman can't help laugh from his car parked across the road. This man was the first to leave the pub, and everyone else has left and gone home before he can even get in his car!
The man finally works out how to unlock his car door and promptly climbs into the passenger seat, trying to work out where the steering wheel is. Finally working out the problem, he climbs over into the drivers seat.
The policeman decides it's time to put this man out of his misery. He crosses the road and approaches the car. He taps on the window and the man winds it down.
"Evening, Offisher!" the man bellows.
"Good evening, sir. Did you have a good night?" replied the policeman.
"Ha ha ha! You should have seeeen it in there. If only it was like that every week."
"Can you please blow into this, sir?" asked the policeman, producing a breathalyzer.
The man blows into the breathalyzer. The reading is 0.00.
The policeman, puzzzled, asks "How many drinks have you had tonight?"
"None, Offisher."
"Then why are you stumbling around like a drunkard?"
"Oh, I'm the designated decoy for tonight."
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Post by LaFille on Mar 15, 2010 23:35:50 GMT
My friend Tina (the sporty type, with very short hair, who isn't really my friend since I stole this one online) teaches at an elementary school. Last week a new kid asked her: "Who are you?" "I'm Ms. B., your teacher." "Are you a man or a woman?" "A woman." "Do you have breasts?" "Yeees." "Will you bring them with you tomorrow?" That reminds me of a story told by I-don't-remember-who... His mother was travelling to the US and not especially used to speak English a lot; they were at a restaurant and when came time to order she told the waiter: "I want this *points her own breasts*, but in chicken." |
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Post by Hand-E-Food on Mar 16, 2010 0:41:07 GMT
And that reminds me of:
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Post by killerzzz on Mar 16, 2010 6:47:00 GMT
This has given me a reason to finally pull together some weird flash video series that I find funny but are dumb-larious. ;D Here are the threads for Charlie The Unicorn and Nameless 6. Hope you find their idiocy as amusing as I do. ;D Feel better! Killerzzz |
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Post by fughawzi on Mar 17, 2010 1:20:30 GMT
Aw, thanks so much! I've basically been stuck in bed for a few weeks so this means a lot. You guys are awesome <3
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Post by Ubereil on Mar 17, 2010 8:40:21 GMT
And now you know better than to get into a bar fight, right???
Übereil
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Post by The Sonar Chicken on Mar 17, 2010 10:11:54 GMT
Cheer up, dear. |
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Post by LaFille on Mar 17, 2010 15:27:23 GMT
Somehow, that sounds slightly wrong when reading that and seeing your avatar just beside. ;D
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Post by The Sonar Chicken on Mar 17, 2010 23:54:44 GMT
Oops? Ahahahahahah Btw, Zee, try reading Yotsubato! the manga, it's super funny. |
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Post by Hand-E-Food on Mar 18, 2010 0:12:48 GMT
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