Stupid music giving me ideas

[Ubereil]

Coming up with titles for these kinds of things is never easy. "Übereil's being emo again" was another one.

And this by no means I'm in a life crisis again, I'm acually quite mentally balanced and good at the moment. I've just got nothing better to do.

The thing is though, that I've got this urge to do something about my life. Again. This time it was Are You Satisfied? with Marina and the Diamonds that lit the emotional powder keg I've been carrying for a while. That happens every once in a while. Anyway, she asked if I was satisfied with an easy ride and I thought that "no, I can't say I am".

This isn't something that just struck me, it's beein drifting in my mind for quite a while. Judging by the icons on my desktop I've got ten games installed on my computer at the moment and I've gotten bored with all of them. I frequent three forums, this one included, and for quite a while it's been mostly quiet in all three of them. I'm about to give up on one of them because nothing interesting ever comes up there. I never was much of a film/series watcher. This means that most of the time I have nothing to do. On good days I pass the time by doing school work. Few days are good.

During the last two weeks I think I'd say that I've had fun two times (once was for about an hour and a half when meeting with an online friend - the meeting was for five hours). Before that there was another gap of two weeks to when I had fun the last time, I think (I might be suffering from a little selective memory though). So, three times in about a month. It's not like I spent the rest of the time depressed, it's just that I'm getting a little tired of spending the vast majority of my time... in limbo?

I'm not all that sad anymore. Today I even felt quite good. I was well rested and had a mildly positive feeling about the day. I got to school, did a little work, had a meeting with my teacher and thought I'd take an early weekend. Something of a mistake that, because when I came home I felt like doing something but I didn't have anything to do. My life has been like this for ages, and it's starting to get a little frustrating. I want to achieve something but I don't know what I want to achieve or what I can do to achieve something.

I think that's one of the major reasons I liked DotA so much, I started in very late 2004 and I decided that I wanted to become good at it, and I fought and eventually I was quite good at it. Nothing exeptional by any means, but I at least pulled my weight and usually more when I played. Now I've long since grown tired of it though.

In a way I feel like a rebel without a cause. I'm quite a competitive guy, really, who like to fight. But I've got nothing to fight for. And that makes my life feel meaningless. What makes it worse is that I don't know what to do about it.

...ok, that was that. If I'm lucky you've got the answer to all my perils, if I'm not then at least I'll have to kill an hour less tonight. What to do now? I guess it's another evening of browsing the web for random stuff to do (maybe someone says something long on one of them forums) and listen to music.

Übereil

[mobbie]

Inability to satisy (or even identify) your hungers and desires here in life is smth I never was troubled with, I can just stand nodding and saying I think you´re an intelligent and interesting guy who just hasn't been put on his right track yet. Try stuff both physically and mentally challenging, give stuff a shot. Competetive guy like you just needs to find smth that can stimulate your mind. Else you'll be bored, I'm sure you know what I mean.

I have the direct opposite... I play poker, Dota, Run Swim etc etc, I dont even have time for my friends always.. Along with my Educ it just makes it hard...
(Going to norway "Vikingskippet @ Hamar" (north of Oslo) the 31st)





You'll find your way I'm sure

[Dark Phoenix Rising]

Go to the pub, take a book or something to do, and either hang out till you get to know a few people or just read until your face gets recognised.

[Elliot Kane]

Cliche as it sounds: 'know thyself'.

It seems to me that your main problem is that you are doing things you think you ought to like instead of doing things you actually do like.

Perhaps you are just used to thinking of yourself in a certain way, but you have changed without noticing. Perhaps you never knew yourself at all. In either case, the answer is the same: stop doing things just because you do them.

You are caught in a set of habitual thought patterns regarding who you are and what you want to be. Challenge those. Ask yourself who you truly ARE and - perhaps more importantly - who you want to be. Then try things that accord with the results of that thinking.

You may be pleasantly surprised at the result

"Are you satisfied with an average life?"

[LaFille]

I would just advise you to try new things. Challenge your imagination, be curious, persevere; if nothing more you will get experience.

Instead of playing you could try conceiving your own game; you could write tutorials, contribute to wikis, get into graphics, do some sport/physical conditioning, give of your time for a local organization that needs voluntary workers, try to get into cooking, plan a trip to another country, learn a new language, make a video...

[Ubereil]

I've been thinking. Or rather, I went for a walk. What I think is the problem with my life is that most of my life consists of fluff. Fluff is the things you add at the end of character creation (when creating a character for a tabletop RPG) to make him seem like a real person. Meaning, things that he does when not out adventuring. The thing about fluff is that it doesn't really have anything to do with the essence of your character. It could easily be replaced and the character wouldn't change.

The things I do in my spare time are meant to pass the time between the important stuff. What I think is the problem with my life at the moment (well, it's been a very loooong moment ) is that I don't feel like anything important ever happens. I don't think finding new/more stuff to occupy my time is acually the answer to all of this, because that would only battle the symptoms and not the cause. When I move out of my parents house I think I'll "take up cooking" (I already do cook, only not very much), I'm also thinking about getting a cat. I like cats.

That's not really the sollution though, the sollution is adding things of importance. The problem with that is that I don't know what I find important. I think friendship is important, but it's so hard to find and to get to the level of intimacy required for it to really be important. I'm so hard to get to know and I have such a hard time really getting to know other pepole. This might have something to do with the fact that the right pepole I find lives a flight away. And they're so rarely online too. So, it could work but it doesn't. Not at the moment anyway and I don't really know how to change that. I feel like it's very much up to chance.

That makes me wonder if there's anything else I can do. School doesn't really work (it's not boring but it's also very much not funny) and I'm not sure getting a job would either. Maybe if I get co-workers. I liked the last project I was in and that was probably related to having co-workers.

...the answer is "be more social"? Aw man, not this [Censored]again!

Übereil

[Elliot Kane]

No, the answer is find out the things that have meaning to you. Humanology sprang out of something I truly felt was interesting and meaningful to me and it has been a huge part of my life because it matters to me.

I can't tell you what will matter to you, Ube. But I think that's what you need to work out. You need more than mere existence: you need something to give your life meaning.

[Ubereil]

Isn't that what I said?

Übereil

[Cat]

Mar 28, 2010 19:59:58 GMT Elliot Kane said:

No, the answer is find out the things that have meaning to you. Humanology sprang out of something I truly felt was interesting and meaningful to me and it has been a huge part of my life because it matters to me.

I kinda love how Ube has really worked on this, and tried to find a solution that best suits him. And Elliot comes along, undermines him and tells him he's wrong.

It's a kind of a fail-lol

[Elliot Kane]

Actually, Cat, I was answering Ube's "...the answer is "be more social"? Aw man, not this [Censored]again!" line. Guess I was rather unclear...

[LaFille]

Mar 28, 2010 17:56:18 GMT Ubereil said:

I've been thinking. Or rather, I went for a walk. What I think is the problem with my life is that most of my life consists of fluff. Fluff is the things you add at the end of character creation (when creating a character for a tabletop RPG) to make him seem like a real person. Meaning, things that he does when not out adventuring. The thing about fluff is that it doesn't really have anything to do with the essence of your character. It could easily be replaced and the character wouldn't change.

The things I do in my spare time are meant to pass the time between the important stuff. What I think is the problem with my life at the moment (well, it's been a very loooong moment ) is that I don't feel like anything important ever happens. I don't think finding new/more stuff to occupy my time is acually the answer to all of this, because that would only battle the symptoms and not the cause. When I move out of my parents house I think I'll "take up cooking" (I already do cook, only not very much), I'm also thinking about getting a cat. I like cats.

That's not really the sollution though, the sollution is adding things of importance. The problem with that is that I don't know what I find important. I think friendship is important, but it's so hard to find and to get to the level of intimacy required for it to really be important. I'm so hard to get to know and I have such a hard time really getting to know other pepole. This might have something to do with the fact that the right pepole I find lives a flight away. And they're so rarely online too. So, it could work but it doesn't. Not at the moment anyway and I don't really know how to change that. I feel like it's very much up to chance.

That makes me wonder if there's anything else I can do. School doesn't really work (it's not boring but it's also very much not funny) and I'm not sure getting a job would either. Maybe if I get co-workers. I liked the last project I was in and that was probably related to having co-workers.

...the answer is "be more social"? Aw man, not this [Censored]again!

Übereil

You know, I wasn't suggesting to do new things so much to fight boredom and pass time as for it to make you discover what you like and don't, what you're good at and not, where you feel at your place and where you're not. You could discover something that would give you a new drive.

Getting a cat looks cool; have you ever had a pet? Sometimes people don't quite bond with animals and the pet is just a burden. Sometimes for those who do bond they become as important to their lives as a kid would be. Anyway, it can be a pretext to get in touch with new people at the same time too, if that's what you need.

Also, I think that some values can be overrated... We're educated to think that we need to be passionate to be truly happy, that the most valuable friendship is necessarily intimate, etc... But that's not necessarily the case for everyone. Just throwing food for thought.

[Ubereil]

Mar 28, 2010 23:16:32 GMT Elliot Kane said:

Actually, Cat, I was answering Ube's "...the answer is "be more social"? Aw man, not this [Censored]again!" line. Guess I was rather unclear...

I don't think you're wrong, really, I just feel like you missed a large part of what I wrote. I said I needed to give my life some kind of meaning, and the "be more social part" was sort of my answer to that question. Not that there might be some other answer as well, my goal with that piece was merely to ask the question without giving an answer. I'm planning on figuring out my options later on.

@ Fille: I've never had a pet. My sister had a bunny when I was a kid and pretty much all the older male relatives I've had that we meet regulary have/had dogs. I'm not really that fond of dogs. I do like cats though (well, somewhat) and I'd like to try having one out at least to see what it's like.

I'm aware that that's not the case for everyone but it is for me. I don't think I have to be very passionate all of the time, a little passion some of the time should be enough. Right now I have no passion ever though, which just isn't enough.

Übereil

[Elliot Kane]

You more seemed like you were still searching around the right area than that you'd actually pinpointed the things you needed, Ube. So I figured clarifying a bit wouldn't hurt. There's also a difference between meaning and purpose. I may be wrong, but you seem to be looking for meaningful things without having any actual focus - any purpose backing it all up. You need that - and 'purpose' is not 'I want to add meaning to my life'. That's a route, not a goal in itself. The purpose - The Purpose, if you like - is the goal you decide to work towards. It's the thing that gives meaning to everything else. Whether that Purpose is to become a champion sportsman or a great scholar or anything at all that takes your fancy (For many it is career, family or religion), it's that Purpose that will ultimately drive you, even when all things seem blacker than midnight.

So there was a reason behind my saying what I did

[LaFille]

Mar 29, 2010 7:49:35 GMT Ubereil said:

@ Fille: I've never had a pet. My sister had a bunny when I was a kid and pretty much all the older male relatives I've had that we meet regulary have/had dogs. I'm not really that fond of dogs. I do like cats though (well, somewhat) and I'd like to try having one out at least to see what it's like.

I'm aware that that's not the case for everyone but it is for me. I don't think I have to be very passionate all of the time, a little passion some of the time should be enough. Right now I have no passion ever though, which just isn't enough.

Übereil

It looks like a great idea to try, then, if you can take the commitment. Maybe you can even hit two birds with one stone with that and save a kitten/cat's life by adopting one from a shelter. I'm more of a doggie gal myself, but if you feel like discussing pet adoption feel very welcomed to shout my way.