Why was I invited to this wedding?

[peterh]

A month ago I got an invitation to a wedding between two people I haven't seen for a long time. That was very surprising as I and three other friends was invited. The group consisted of Mikkel, Piet (roomie), Pm and me.

I understand Piet and Mikkel being invited as they've seen the newlyweds to be way more often than PM and I. I do consider them good people but not more than that so Pia Mia (Pm - best female friend) and I were wondering why we were invited.

Every wedding has a bachelor party and one is held for Peter, who of course deserves it. The tradition is to offer every male friend of the groom invited to the wedding a chance to attend and celebrate. Mikkel and Piet was invited (And Pm is a girl so not invited to the guy thing) but I was not. The best man, Søren, is Peter's brother and is in charge of the party. He knows fully well that I share an apartment with Piet and also that I am invited to the wedding. Nevertheless he called piet and asked him to not only come but also join the planning of the bachelor party - he never called me or said to invite me.

That did surprise me because I know I am not that close with the couple but I was still invited and thought I would be invited to a bachelor party. After all there was no way to hide it from me since my best friend was invited. It never did happen though, and Piet did offer to ask but I thought it would be meaningless since Søren do know my number and still declined to ask.

I've had my doubt wether to read something into this but I just talked to Mikkel and asked in a polite way about it since he, as the toast master, should know about stuff. First time I asked he ignored the subject and just replied with a polite *s'(*s* = smile) and then I asked again and it was the same *s*. A friendly brush off..

Now, I have to answer the invitation tomorrow and I really do not feel like saying yes. I've been in doubt before but now I think I might decline. I might have to work that weekend anyway, and I don't really see the reason to go overboard with changing it (if possible) anyway. I'd just feel a bit left out at the wedding anyway..

Then, anyway, if I am not asked to the bachelor party (and I do believe Peter does have some say in who attends) then why ask me to the wedding at all. I don't particuarly feel good about turining people down but I do start to question the motives...

Anyone has a good argument why I should try the hardest to change my working hours and attend the wedding?

[peterh]

btw, I know I could've asked mikkel before but ultimately I did not. I do feel bad about saying no to someone who did ask me join their special day but I somehow do not feel that welcome..

I just needed to hear your opinions

[Galadriel]

You feel bad right now, if you say no, but how will you feel AT the wedding? You will keep thinking that you're not welcome.

You know what? Just go, have free food and drinks, and when you leave, take off your pants and show them your butt, that'll teach them not to invite you to the bachelor's party! ;D

[peterh]

galadriel said:

You feel bad right now, if you say no, but how will you feel AT the wedding? You will keep thinking that you're not welcome.

You know what? Just go, have free food and drinks, and when you leave, take off your pants and show them your butt, that'll teach them not to invite you to the bachelor's party! ;D

It's the attitude in general, gal...

Why should I attend a wedding when it's made clear I am probably only invited on a courtesy...how it seems to me..

[Elliot Kane]

I honestly see no reason you should accept. At best you are being invited out of politeness because your roomies are, but that should extend to the bachelor party, too. At worst, you are someone they know who might bring presents - and knowing you, Peter, it would never surprise me if you had a rep for giving generous presents on such occasions.

As you seem to be unwelcome at the bachelor party, I'd say you are probably not likely to be truly welcome at the wedding either, as you suspect.

I'd tell them you are working on the day, then send a nice congratulations card, if I were you. It maintains politeness and gets you out of it.

[peterh]

I don't really give more generous than other people Usually it's people byuing presents together and that was the intention here...

One of the diciding factor is how Mikkel acted. I did try to get and answer out of him as he is usually straight with me. But he only made his 's* smileys and it's clear he's hiding something. He probably does not want to hurt me but it's made the decision easier anyway...

[Elliot Kane]

Yeah. In your shoes, I'd definitely decline.

[Venom65437]

Bah, just don't go...

[janggut]

i'm with the rest - just save yourself from the nagging thoughts in your head & have that wedding day to yourself. saves them the trouble of pretension (if any) & yourself of doubts. that one day in your life is better lived to do what u really want to do.

[LaFille]

It's choosing the lesser of two bads, there; on one side, you'd feel bad to decline but on the other feel bad to be there. However, being there suspecting you're allowed more than welcomed to and suspecting there's something under the table that would make you uneasy might spread of the unease around some as well so without knowing more about why you were not invited to the bachelor party as well and why the guy reacted that way, it might not be worth it if it's people you haven't seen for a long time and that it would be a pain to free yourself for it. You can always send the couple greetings and meet them back in better circumstances if they're really interested to see you and if so it should mean as much.
My two cents...

[ss]

Just say you appreciate the invitation, but you have plans that would cause a burden on others if you cancelled...In other words, lie to save their egos...

[Dark Phoenix Rising]

Silly question, were you friends with both parties of the wedding independantly? If so, could it be that you have been invited by Peter's other half, rather than Peter?

[hector]

Go, and nail a bridesmaid or something. Weddings are good for that.

See? You shouldn't have asked and just PMed me. I give the best advices.

[Venom65437]

hector said:

Go, and nail a bridesmaid or something. Weddings are good for that.

See? You shouldn't have asked and just PMed me. I give the best advices.

Yea, like a bridesmaid would actually like to nail Peter...

[winlok]

Off the top of my head, I would say mistakes are made and that's why you were invited.

I would agree with Elly here. It appears Mikkel (sp) is holding something back. There can be many reasons for the smiley face, but I would say they just want your wedding present and have no intention of your happiness. It's a crappy thing to say, but it looks that way. Plus if the wedding couple ever says anything about it, just tell them the truth about your conversation with Mikkel (sp).

They will either deny it or seeing as you are on to them. They will not say anything at all, but offer you an ironic smile. (I just couldn't resist)

[peterh]

Hmm...I don't think I can get my work hours changed that weekend and I won't go extreme lenghts to do it. I am, after all, a new employee and don't want to make trouble already

So, work weekend for me instead of nailing a bridesmaid ;D

[rockergrl]

Yeah Peter I agree with what everyone else was saying. Well see if you have to work then you have to work Oh and everyone knows why you don't want a bridesmaid cause I mean you've got BJC right? lol!