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Post by Galadriel on Dec 17, 2007 20:17:02 GMT
I don't know where to post that, so I'll just ask it here. Replace it if needed.
How far can you go as a partner to invade his/her privacy? Can you check their mailbox daily, look at cellphones, keep history of chats or open mails? What if this happens to you, would you be happy about it and how would you deal with it?
This is a serious question, so please answer only if you really have an opinion about it. 
I'll explain later why I asked this.
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Post by Elliot Kane on Dec 17, 2007 20:28:47 GMT
This is a tough one, as a lot of the answer is situation dependent. If you think someone is on drugs or otherwise putting their life and/or health in jeopardy then snooping may be the only way to be sure. On the other hand, snooping can often be part of a jealous or controlling tendency, which is not good...
Overall, I would say it depends on the motive. A selfish motive is almost always bad, whereas genuine concern is almost always good...
Everyone is entitled to their own private space and violating that space is certainly not a good thing - but sometimes it's necessary to save a life.
If someone has genuine reason to believe their partner is having an affair - and I mean real reason, not paranoid suspicion - I can see why they might snoop. That one is borderline, as no-one deserves to be cheated on. At the very least, though, they should talk to their partner first...
Too many ifs and buts. I'd have to know the full details of the situation before I could say how far wrong or how close to right any given case was...
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Post by ss on Dec 18, 2007 0:15:48 GMT
How far can you go as a partner to invade his/her privacy?
Gal, I hope you are not in distress with your spouse..may be reading into this, so have to apologize up front if so..but... Presuming "partner" is the key word in the post, I could only hazzard a guess... If it is serious...ie...divorce maybe...stockpile all the ammunition you can find against the other person...you may never use it, and then again you might need it. Separations and divorce are extremly messy and get very MEAN most of the time...also, in the US, normally the one that initiates any court proceedings is ALWAYS in the drivers seat and the other party (even if in the right) is always on the defense. Elliot addressed the rest as well as I could, but I would reiterate, do nothing from jealously and keep your motives on the up and up.. I can positively tell you that if anyone finds out someone else is "snooping" into their privacy, it will surely cause bad feelings..If it is a husband/wife situation, not as clear...commitment to the other spouse, honesty, and putting the other one first will cover a "multitude of sin"....but then that would mean one has to be UNselfish...hard to do with feelings involved... If it is your husband, tell him to "man-up" and remember his marriage vows..  If I am out of line, forgive me.. If I am not, you may just have to whip his ass....  ;D |
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Post by Venom65437 on Dec 18, 2007 1:18:29 GMT
I don't know where to post that, so I'll just ask it here. Replace it if needed.
How far can you go as a partner to invade his/her privacy? Can you check their mailbox daily, look at cellphones, keep history of chats or open mails? What if this happens to you, would you be happy about it and how would you deal with it?
This is a serious question, so please answer only if you really have an opinion about it.
I'll explain later why I asked this. I'd be pissed, and if anyone didn't trust me to the point where they had to keep tab on me like that, I'd leave them. And if I felt I needed to do that to someone else I'd leave them. It's [Censored]ed up. |
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Post by Winterfox on Dec 18, 2007 18:14:58 GMT
I don't know where to post that, so I'll just ask it here. Replace it if needed.
How far can you go as a partner to invade his/her privacy? Can you check their mailbox daily, look at cellphones, keep history of chats or open mails? What if this happens to you, would you be happy about it and how would you deal with it?
This is a serious question, so please answer only if you really have an opinion about it.
I'll explain later why I asked this. I'd be pissed, and if anyone didn't trust me to the point where they had to keep tab on me like that, I'd leave them. And if I felt I needed to do that to someone else I'd leave them. It's [Censored]ed up. Ditto. Reading the other person's mails? Not cool. Reading chat logs? That's getting into the "creepy" territory. Breach of trust is pretty much declaring an end to relationship. Either way, if I knew my partner were doing this to me, I'd drop him/her like hot coals and wish him/her a nice time in a nuclear reactor somewhere. |
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Post by Galadriel on Dec 18, 2007 19:53:22 GMT
Ok, time for some explaining here. I've been reading the reactions and now I want to tell what's going on, the reason why I asked this.
Last week, my husband logged into my account in SL. He said it was an accident but yet he went through my files, profile and everything.
Then he installed something on his computer that made screenshots every 5 min or so. When he came home, he demanded me to turn off whatever I was doing (I was sitting on his computer cause mine kept crashing a lot) and told me he had to check an order he made online. I had to leave the room, cause it was a present for me.
I felt something was wrong, cause of the way he came home and immediatly made me move away from the computer.
30 min later he came to get me, cause he found things that he didn't like. I saw screenshots with chatlogs, emails I had opened, pm's I was reading etc. I was soo furious about his ways and this wasn't the first time, a year ago he broke my password to get into my yahoo account.
On the other side, he's allowed to talk, meet, msn etc with two girls, one he made out with a few months ago, and the other one is an ex gf, that clearly admitted she's still in love with him, fantasises about him while she's married to someone else for the past 8 years.
He agreed to meet her alone, I was ok with it, but then she started to text him a dozen times a day, talks him all up on msn (mind that i'm sitting next to him on my computer, so our screens are not far apart) and on top of that he liked telling me what she told him on msn.
Now I can't get over the fact that my privacy has been invaded, on top of the fact that he uses double standards in our relationship.
I'm soo done with it, I gave him a second chance a few months ago, but this is it. He wonders why I don't miss him anymore, well I can tell you, when you're all over someone 24/7, it's hard to miss him right? And even when he's at work, he calls me, text me and mails me all the time  He smothering me, I feel like a bird in a cage with him. It's time I get on my own and make my own decisions, and meet who ever I want to meet, go out for a drink with who I want.
This marriage is definitly over.
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Post by Elliot Kane on Dec 18, 2007 23:30:27 GMT
You know my thoughts, Gal. Obviously, you have my support in whatever decision(s) you make |
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Post by Lews on Dec 19, 2007 5:25:03 GMT
Sorry to hear that Gal =/
Do whats best for you, of course.
And that [Censored]he did to your computer is really [Censored]ed up.
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Post by ss on Dec 19, 2007 5:49:38 GMT
Sorry bout that Gal, I would not wish a divorce on my worst enemy...there are never any winners in the end..  Good Luck..I will support you.. |
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Post by Ubereil on Dec 19, 2007 8:52:45 GMT
You know my thoughts, Gal. Obviously, you have my support in whatever decision(s) you make Ditto. Übereil |
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Post by cleglaw on Dec 19, 2007 16:14:06 GMT
Clearly he was jealous and suspicious of all the time that you spend online in SL. The negative side of this is that is an invasion of your privacy. The positive side of it is that in some way he still cares. It appears though that there is a great deal of distrust in the relationship. And you have a child together. It is a difficult painful situation. I feel for you and hope that you are able to find the best solution.
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Post by Galadriel on Dec 19, 2007 19:48:32 GMT
Clearly he was jealous and suspicious of all the time that you spend online in SL. The negative side of this is that is an invasion of your privacy. The positive side of it is that in some way he still cares. It appears though that there is a great deal of distrust in the relationship. And you have a child together. It is a difficult painful situation. I feel for you and hope that you are able to find the best solution.
To Ubs, ss and Lews, thx for your support
I talked to the manager of Modular, to see if I can get a fulltime job there, he's gonna look tomorrow what he can find, they kinda know me cuz I used to work there 8 years ago. And I still know half of the people there and met new ones while i was cleaning.
When I definitly move out, I don't think i will have internet, but i hope to get that back soon. Just letting you guys know. |
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Post by rockergrl on Dec 19, 2007 20:03:14 GMT
Sorry to hear that Gal, but you have to do what you have to do.
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Post by killerzzz on Dec 19, 2007 22:07:22 GMT
Best of luck in all this, Gal. I hope things go well for you.
Killerzzz
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Post by LaFille on Dec 20, 2007 5:30:13 GMT
Clearly he was jealous and suspicious of all the time that you spend online in SL. The negative side of this is that is an invasion of your privacy. The positive side of it is that in some way he still cares. It appears though that there is a great deal of distrust in the relationship. And you have a child together. It is a difficult painful situation. I feel for you and hope that you are able to find the best solution. Same. In the end, only you can decide for yourself and I'm not far if you want/need no matter how things can go. |
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Post by Galadriel on Jan 11, 2008 12:54:07 GMT
I got another question about invasion of privacy. Appearently my ex husband managed to get into my gmail through my IP adress. Is there a way I can change my IP adress or block him so he can't view my personal messages anymore? And it's not a guess, he said details that were only in one certain mail I send yesterday and admitted that he could read them by my IP adress.
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Post by Alrik on Jan 11, 2008 13:02:01 GMT
I'd use something different than gmail, then. Sorry, but I have no idea. There are anonymzing ... argh, can't get the right spelkling ! - services out there, though. |
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Post by The Sonar Chicken on Jan 11, 2008 13:39:17 GMT
Well, I'd try to use an email client instead and let it dl everything from your account?
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Post by Alrik on Jan 11, 2008 13:53:41 GMT
That's a thing I haven't thought about because i always do so.
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Post by Ubereil on Jan 11, 2008 14:30:39 GMT
Are you on the same network? If you're not, a dynamic IP-adress should do the trick (then again, you're probably on a dynamic IP allready). As for downloading from Gmail to your computer: you can do that? Übereil |
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;D 
He smothering me, I feel like a bird in a cage with him. It's time I get on my own and make my own decisions, and meet who ever I want to meet, go out for a drink with who I want.
