Post by Elliot Kane on Sept 17, 2008 0:28:57 GMT
Social Anxiety Disorder - What It Is And How To Beat It
Basically, SAD is a fear of social situations that is so great it can often lead to panic attacks or extreme anxiety. For the sufferer it is obviously a very big deal and can seem like an insurmountable problem - but it isn't. Once you understand the causes you will find it far easier to deal with and to ultimately overcome.
SAD has two aspects to it: the origin of the problem and the fact that the sufferer comes to expect they will suffer from it, which creates a habitual - and harmful - pattern of thought. A person who expects to feel any kind of fear will very often become a part of their own self-fulfilling prophecy. Fortunately, knowledge being the enemy of fear, this cycle can be broken.
SAD can confuse a lot of people because it actually comes in two types. Treating the wrong type is unlikely to result in a cure, so be careful to know which you are dealing with.
It is also worth noting that some SAD sufferers suffer from both. The listed cures should still work, however.
SAD Type One
The first type of SAD has its roots in fear of other people. This may be caused by relative isolation (Such as home schooling or any other lifestyle that results in infrequent contact with more than a few known people) or by a very bad social experience (Such as a shy person being utterly humiliated for daring to venture an opinion). Low self esteem (And the resultant low self-confidence) often plays a part, but is not the true root of this type, more an unhelpful addendum.
Humanity as a species habitually divide people in our thinking into 'Us' and 'Them'. 'Us' includes family, friends and allies - people who are on 'our side' as it were - whilst 'Them' includes everyone else. Most of us consider 'Them' from a rather balanced perspective: they are simply people we do not know. Neither enemies nor friends, threat nor succour, they simply ARE. We recognise that not everyone out there is a nice person and we take precautions, but we do not see all others as an overt and immediate threat.
A sufferer from this type of SAD mentally equates 'Them' with 'Threat'. This means that the more of 'Them' there are the greater the perceived threat, resulting in greater and greater fear and anxiety. Such sufferers often have problems with crowds in general, even when not expected to socialise because of the perception of 'Them' = 'Threat'.
Not to be confused with Paranoia, sufferers from this type of SAD do not believe the world is out to get them, but rather that the world is a very hostile and dangerous place and thus that all strangers are to be avoided.
Once the sufferer understands that their fear is rooted in an unfamiliarity with people rather than a genuine threat, they can take steps to counter it by talking with others in a relatively safe or controlled environment. Something as simple as asking a shop worker about a product, for example, gives them a safe and controlled situation where they dictate the conversation. This can help them to gain confidence in dealing with others.
The problem is one of unfamiliarity with people, so the cure is to gain the familiarity formally lacking.
SAD Type Two
The second type of SAD is a fear not of people but of opinion. Sufferers from this second type just KNOW that anything they say will be obviously stupid and laughable and that everything they say will result only in humiliation. This is not true, of course, but to them the fear is very real.
Sufferers of this type are usually fine with crowds or other large groups of people because the threat is not people as such but rather the expectation of humiliation should they dare to join in. They will often seek to be anonymous as a result. Being directly addressed by others will often cause fear and anxiety because the expectation of humiliation is intense and immediate.
The roots of this type do lie in low self esteem and a lack of confidence (Though past bad social experiences would not help). Many sufferers believe that 'Socialising' is some kind of bizarre and exotic art that they do not have the keys to nor the ability for. This is not so, of course, but the belief in itself leads to a crippling fear that causes a shut down of social ability, which in turn reinforces the belief.
Once the sufferer realises that there is no great art to socialising - that literally anyone can do it, including themselves - they can start to break out of the cycle of fear and belief that has them trapped.
The trick to breaking out of this type of SAD is not just in controlled conversation (Though 'The Shopkeeper Gambit' works just as well, here), but also in research. If you know your peer group is likely to discuss a favoured band, TV program or something else that many of them enjoy, you can find out a few facts about the topic ready to mention at various points in the conversation. Don't go for anything daring or controversial to start with, as the idea is to ease you in gently, but pick stuff the others might not know but may find interesting. If you are prepared for a conversation to happen, you will feel more confident about taking part.
Also - start small. Talk to one or two people to begin with. Make sure they are not the types who normally interrupt others or speak down to them, as this will not help. If you can find someone who is a fellow sufferer (Or who is just shy) you can help each other by practising conversation.
You will find that as in much else, the more you practice talking to others the easier it will become.
Force Of Habit
Always remember that what you are really up against - in both cases - is not an insurmountable obstacle but merely a bad habit. Yes, it can be very hard to break out of it, but once you start you will be surprised at the progress you will make.
Do not let the fear control you. You CAN take back control of your life
End Notes
There are a number of ways to control the anxiety and panic, thus lessening the symptoms and allowing the cure to proceed more smoothly. The first (And best) is to slow your breathing down, as this also reduces your heart rate and lowers anxiety. Concentrating on your breathing also means you are no longer totally focused on the source of your fear, which will reduce it.
The second is to repeat a line of doggerel over and over to yourself. Ideally this line should be quite complicated or contain a lot of alliteration as the idea is once again to serve as a distraction. If your mind is working on anything other than fear, fear tends to diminish. It's worse with distractions than we are!
Working on building up your confidence in other ways will also help, though indirectly. Hobbies and interests are all good, as they give you achievements you can take pride in - and, when you are ready, share with others.
Most of all - always remember that though the problem may seem insurmountable it is not. you CAN deal with it - and you WILL
***
This problem seems quite common, so was worth writing up
Basically, SAD is a fear of social situations that is so great it can often lead to panic attacks or extreme anxiety. For the sufferer it is obviously a very big deal and can seem like an insurmountable problem - but it isn't. Once you understand the causes you will find it far easier to deal with and to ultimately overcome.
SAD has two aspects to it: the origin of the problem and the fact that the sufferer comes to expect they will suffer from it, which creates a habitual - and harmful - pattern of thought. A person who expects to feel any kind of fear will very often become a part of their own self-fulfilling prophecy. Fortunately, knowledge being the enemy of fear, this cycle can be broken.
SAD can confuse a lot of people because it actually comes in two types. Treating the wrong type is unlikely to result in a cure, so be careful to know which you are dealing with.
It is also worth noting that some SAD sufferers suffer from both. The listed cures should still work, however.
SAD Type One
The first type of SAD has its roots in fear of other people. This may be caused by relative isolation (Such as home schooling or any other lifestyle that results in infrequent contact with more than a few known people) or by a very bad social experience (Such as a shy person being utterly humiliated for daring to venture an opinion). Low self esteem (And the resultant low self-confidence) often plays a part, but is not the true root of this type, more an unhelpful addendum.
Humanity as a species habitually divide people in our thinking into 'Us' and 'Them'. 'Us' includes family, friends and allies - people who are on 'our side' as it were - whilst 'Them' includes everyone else. Most of us consider 'Them' from a rather balanced perspective: they are simply people we do not know. Neither enemies nor friends, threat nor succour, they simply ARE. We recognise that not everyone out there is a nice person and we take precautions, but we do not see all others as an overt and immediate threat.
A sufferer from this type of SAD mentally equates 'Them' with 'Threat'. This means that the more of 'Them' there are the greater the perceived threat, resulting in greater and greater fear and anxiety. Such sufferers often have problems with crowds in general, even when not expected to socialise because of the perception of 'Them' = 'Threat'.
Not to be confused with Paranoia, sufferers from this type of SAD do not believe the world is out to get them, but rather that the world is a very hostile and dangerous place and thus that all strangers are to be avoided.
Once the sufferer understands that their fear is rooted in an unfamiliarity with people rather than a genuine threat, they can take steps to counter it by talking with others in a relatively safe or controlled environment. Something as simple as asking a shop worker about a product, for example, gives them a safe and controlled situation where they dictate the conversation. This can help them to gain confidence in dealing with others.
The problem is one of unfamiliarity with people, so the cure is to gain the familiarity formally lacking.
SAD Type Two
The second type of SAD is a fear not of people but of opinion. Sufferers from this second type just KNOW that anything they say will be obviously stupid and laughable and that everything they say will result only in humiliation. This is not true, of course, but to them the fear is very real.
Sufferers of this type are usually fine with crowds or other large groups of people because the threat is not people as such but rather the expectation of humiliation should they dare to join in. They will often seek to be anonymous as a result. Being directly addressed by others will often cause fear and anxiety because the expectation of humiliation is intense and immediate.
The roots of this type do lie in low self esteem and a lack of confidence (Though past bad social experiences would not help). Many sufferers believe that 'Socialising' is some kind of bizarre and exotic art that they do not have the keys to nor the ability for. This is not so, of course, but the belief in itself leads to a crippling fear that causes a shut down of social ability, which in turn reinforces the belief.
Once the sufferer realises that there is no great art to socialising - that literally anyone can do it, including themselves - they can start to break out of the cycle of fear and belief that has them trapped.
The trick to breaking out of this type of SAD is not just in controlled conversation (Though 'The Shopkeeper Gambit' works just as well, here), but also in research. If you know your peer group is likely to discuss a favoured band, TV program or something else that many of them enjoy, you can find out a few facts about the topic ready to mention at various points in the conversation. Don't go for anything daring or controversial to start with, as the idea is to ease you in gently, but pick stuff the others might not know but may find interesting. If you are prepared for a conversation to happen, you will feel more confident about taking part.
Also - start small. Talk to one or two people to begin with. Make sure they are not the types who normally interrupt others or speak down to them, as this will not help. If you can find someone who is a fellow sufferer (Or who is just shy) you can help each other by practising conversation.
You will find that as in much else, the more you practice talking to others the easier it will become.
Force Of Habit
Always remember that what you are really up against - in both cases - is not an insurmountable obstacle but merely a bad habit. Yes, it can be very hard to break out of it, but once you start you will be surprised at the progress you will make.
Do not let the fear control you. You CAN take back control of your life
End Notes
There are a number of ways to control the anxiety and panic, thus lessening the symptoms and allowing the cure to proceed more smoothly. The first (And best) is to slow your breathing down, as this also reduces your heart rate and lowers anxiety. Concentrating on your breathing also means you are no longer totally focused on the source of your fear, which will reduce it.
The second is to repeat a line of doggerel over and over to yourself. Ideally this line should be quite complicated or contain a lot of alliteration as the idea is once again to serve as a distraction. If your mind is working on anything other than fear, fear tends to diminish. It's worse with distractions than we are!
Working on building up your confidence in other ways will also help, though indirectly. Hobbies and interests are all good, as they give you achievements you can take pride in - and, when you are ready, share with others.
Most of all - always remember that though the problem may seem insurmountable it is not. you CAN deal with it - and you WILL
***
This problem seems quite common, so was worth writing up