Dairy of a 5 year old

[Galadriel]

I still didn't figure out if I find this funny or rather sad...

"Diary of a 5 year old"

Monday
Went to grandpa & grandma to pick up Christmas present. Only got some marbles. Stupid toys. Placed marbles on the basement stairs. Grandpa made a tumble, doesn't matter, grandpa is already old and worn out. No marbles got broken though.
Got a slap in the face, playing with marbles is bad.

Tuesday
Had the coolest day ever! Saw niece Suzy on grandpa's funeral. Played doctor, had fun. Mommy got mad, daddy got mad, auntie Angel got mad, Suzy wasn't mad.
Got a slap in the face, learning a profession is forbidden.

Wednesday
Dropped chocolate hail here and there in the house. Daddy went to store to get mousetraps. Eat chocolate hail. Mommy fainted
Got a slap in the face, eating yummie chocolate hail is forbidden.

Thursday
Exchanged 20 marbles for a pretty white mouse from a friend at school. Wrapped it nicely in a box and a ribbon.
Present for mommy. Mommy was happy at first, then screamed and fainted. Daddy was mad again.
Got a slap in the face. Giving presents is forbidden.

Friday
Daddy locked me up in the basement, was funny.
Turned potatoe stock into fries to help mommy. Heavy duty, about 100kg potatoes!
Got a slap in the face. Helping mommy is forbidden.

Saturday
Daddy locked me up in the attic, was fun too.
Helped daddy to clean out the gutter. A lot of folks were on the street. Firemen came to get me off the roof.
Daddy got mad.
Got a slap in the face, helping daddy is forbidden.

Sunday
Daddy locked me up in the summerhouse. Got cold and made a fire.
Firemen came again.Cool people, squirted everything wet.
Got a slap in the face, having warm is forbidden.

Monday
Wanted to see the firemen again. Called them and they came. Mommy was mad and were the firemen.
Got a slap in the face. Liking the firemen is forbidden.

Tuesday
Silent day today, got bored from doing nothing. Mommy was very worried.
Doing nothing isn't fun and actually forbidden.

Wednesday
Went to visit grandma, when she saw me, she got foam on her mouth. Mommy locked me up in the kitchen.
Chairs of grandma to high, made them shorter with grandpa's saw,now they are the right size. Mommy got foam on her mouth.
got a slap in the face, adjusting chairs is forbidden.

Thursday
Drove with daddy to the hospital. Visiting grandma and mommy. somthing is broken on their nerves. Probably a family disease. Doctor put needle in mommy's arm. Took the other needle and put it in the bad guys butt. Doctor got foam on his mouth too.
Got a slap in the face from daddy, protecting mommy is forbidden.

I think everything is forbidden, except slapping kids.
Wait untill I'm grown up!

Sorry if my english wasn't that well, I had to translate the whole thing ;D

[Dark Phoenix Rising]

tis a good translation as far as I can see, but to me it seems sad rather than funny. I suspect that if the right person was reading it out aloud it would be quite funny, but I can't "hear" the sort of inflections they would use.

[riverman]

i find it sad.

[winlok]

I found it funny simply because of the irony. She got slapped at every turn.

It sucks that everything is forbidden when your 5.

[Shan]

i find this very, very sad. it brings tears to my eyes.

i know children do, but no child should have to go through something like this.

[Tsel]

The Diary reminded me of many of my personal sacred oaths I made to myself around the ages of 7 through 12 years old that I’d never do when I grow-up.
I remember the reasons why I made those oaths just as if they were yesterday.
I told my parents I thought they were being unjust to me.
They said I’d forget about my oaths and I’d understand and agree with them when I do grow-up.
Well, I’ve been grown-up for a many years now and I still tell them I thought they were unjust with me on those particular actions; to this day I have not done those particular things.
And I have never forgotten them neither.
So parents know this, the children do remember.
Choose your actions well.

[winlok]

tsel said:

The Diary reminded me of many of my personal sacred oaths I made to myself around the ages of 7 through 12 years old that I’d never do when I grow-up.
I remember the reasons why I made those oaths just as if they were yesterday.
I told my parents I thought they were being unjust to me.
They said I’d forget about my oaths and I’d understand and agree with them when I do grow-up.
Well, I’ve been grown-up for a many years now and I still tell them I thought they were unjust with me on those particular actions; to this day I have not done those particular things.
And I have never forgotten them neither.
So parents know this, the children do remember.
Choose your actions well.

Jeppers! Am I the only one who see's the irony. When I said funny I didn't mean knee slapping funny. Funny in an ironic way. You know the type, where you smile and say to yourself "typical"

[ss]

I, for the life of me can not find ANYTHING FUNNY about this post, sounds to me like mental child abuse!!! The slaps probably didn't leave any physical scars, but I bet they leave plenty of emotional scars..

How can slaps in the face constantly ever teach children ANYTHING??? Other than that they learn to hate their parents, get a jaded view of the world, and eventually "discipline" their own children in the same way..

I will be 64 years old in January, and when I was a child, I got "whipped" by a step-father for any and all infractions that he saw fit, which changed as he saw fit...

The memory is NOT GOOD . especially the emotional memory of being told to go to the creek (small stream) and cut a "switch" to be "whipped" with, and told that if it broke, I would get it worse...and that is as a 5 or 6 year old...

Yea, I guess it becomes personal and it shouldn't

But, it reminds me of the old saying --

"Children are born Princes and Princesses--- until their parents turn them into Frogs"

[Dark Phoenix Rising]

ss - to my mind the problem with the story isn't so much that he got slapped, but that no one explained to him why he got slapped, and so it was punishment without "just cause" to his mind. I'm fairly certain that if anyone had actually stopped to talk to the kid he would have ended up with only a couple of those slaps (if any). After all, punishment should be for doing something you know (have been told) is wrong, not for making a mistake.

[Galadriel]

winlok said:

Jeppers! Am I the only one who see's the irony. When I said funny I didn't mean knee slapping funny. Funny in an ironic way. You know the type, where you smile and say to yourself "typical"

@ Winlok
There is indeed a kind of ironic humour in it, but not everyone gets it, Winlok. One day when I look at it, i find it rather ironicly, but then another day, I don't think it's funny at all. But there is a kind of black humour in it. It reminds me of "Dennis the menace" the kid tries to do good things, but makes a mess everytime.

Btw: I have been slapped and kicked around many times, I even have migraine attacks as a result of one kick to many.

[TheScreamMan]

I found the post itself sad, but i liked that the thread is called dairy of a 5yr old.

I was looking for some children milking cows or something...

[Tsel]

I would have seen something like this as Ironic humor if it would have slightly mirrored the old school Little Johnny jokes. ;D

[winlok]

tsel said:

I would have seen something like this as Ironic humor if it would have slightly mirrored the old school Little Johnny jokes. ;D

I can see how you would get there if you replaced the 5 year old with Little Johnny, but you would get the irony of a little Johnny joke out of reputation, because a lot of little Johnny joke are ironic.

When someone tells you a little johnny joke you you expect something funny or ironic to happen. With the diary of a five year old it just hits you, because you're not expecting it. You say to yourself "are they serious or is this a joke?".

[Galadriel]

*Holds hands up high*
"Don't shoot the messenger, I'm just delivering" ;D

[Shan]

Sorry people, but I don't find any jokes or stories where children get hurt or abused funny. To me a child is to precious to be on the receiving end of stuff like this even if someone is trying to be funny.

[winlok]

shantara said:

Sorry people, but I don't find any jokes or stories where children get hurt or abused funny. To me a child is to precious to be on the receiving end of stuff like this even if someone is trying to be funny.

So little Johnny is out of the question, even though he is fictitious.

[TheScreamMan]

fictious people are people too.

[janggut]

don't hurt the pixels!

[Shan]

So little Johnny is out of the question, even though he is fictitious.

Yeah, sorry, Wins, but I don't think jokes of any kind about kids being hurt or abused are funny. Children are two precious for it to even be joked about.