Addiction to Creation

[killerzzz]

For a long time, I'd been too busy to create. I ached for it, felt meaningless without it, for months and months and months. Sure, every once in a long while, I'd get a little something out, but it wasn't enough. I needed to create.

Finally, not too long ago, I managed to create several things. I wrote most of the layout for a short story, caught up on the three interactive stories I am involved in, and made that art I showed you guys. I felt better than I had in a long, long time. Sure I was fine, happy before that. But every waking moment felt wasted by the end of the day, until I finally got that stuff done.

Then, all at once, I was busy again. I had no time for creating, for artistry. I was blocked.

I felt terrible.

It was like some sort of withdrawal symptoms. The sense of wasted time hid behind every moment, good and bad, all day, every day. Why wasn't I accomplishing anything! I asked myself this over and over. After, when the real busy time was over, I had no willpower to get back to what I loved to do. I started getting frustrated, antsy, jolly one moment and restless the next.

I felt like such an idiot, letting something so small and foolish get to me so very much. And I should. I don't even get it, why it bothered me. Maybe it's because I know even more busy times are coming, and I'll have little to no time to create then. Maybe I'm so restless because I know I have so much to get out and if I don't do it while I can I might explode or something.

I dunno, I'm just being a dumb spaz. Am I addicted to creation? Or do I just have a need to create while I can before it's too late, and months will once again separate me from what I enjoy doing?

Luckily again today, I've managed to break free and get back to work. Hopefully I'll be able to keep it up until I'm satisfied with the output.

Killerzzz

[twoheadedragon]

From what I've seen of you, you're very creative. And creative people need to, well, create! ;D

You're not crazy, but you probably WOULD go crazy if you had nothing to create (as you mentioned above).

So keep on creating, and know that you can count on our moral support!

[Elliot Kane]

I think I understand, Kaz. Sometimes I just have to write. It's like a need grows in me over time until I just have no choice - it's like a compulsion more than a desire. I start feeling almost ill if I can't get to a keyboard.

So yeah - you are not alone

[LaFille]

There are much worse addictions... And if it's making you happier, allowing you to channel something oppressive while not having other negative effects on your life, it seems even worth putting some time aside for, IMHO.

[killerzzz]

Thanks guys. And good to know I'm not the only one. ;D

Sept 3, 2009 20:59:17 GMT LaFille said:

There are much worse addictions... And if it's making you happier, allowing you to channel something oppressive while not having other negative effects on your life, it seems even worth putting some time aside for, IMHO.

Yeah, you're right. But there are some negative effects. Those down times when I just gotta, but just don't, and the build up! Then I'm agitated everywhere.

Killerzzz

[Elliot Kane]

Yeeessss... Makes you want to scream in frustration, doesn't it? Especially if someone interrupts you for some insignificant reason of no consequence at all, like the house is burning down... ;D

[twoheadedragon]

Sept 8, 2009 2:46:10 GMT Elliot Kane said:

Yeeessss... Makes you want to scream in frustration, doesn't it? Especially if someone interrupts you for some insignificant reason of no consequence at all, like the house is burning down... ;D

Or half the people in your home are leaving this week...