Post by Galadriel on Dec 6, 2009 14:42:59 GMT
The Company Christmas Party
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23 rd
, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and
plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM.
Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00
to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize
that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though
not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies
to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types
of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2009
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a
non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name.. I'm happy to accommodate this request,
but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.
How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members
feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy
month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes
the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not
accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving
your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little
foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet,
and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group
will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be
allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms.. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House
that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as
dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2009
RE: The F..ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether
you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you'll get your f..^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know,
tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm
hearing them scream right NOW! The rest of you wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have
a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, The B*tch from H*ll!
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2009
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to
forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone
the afternoon of the 23 rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays!
Joan
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23 rd
, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and
plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM.
Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00
to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize
that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though
not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies
to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types
of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2009
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a
non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name.. I'm happy to accommodate this request,
but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.
How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members
feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy
month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes
the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not
accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving
your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little
foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet,
and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group
will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be
allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms.. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House
that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as
dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2009
RE: The F..ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether
you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you'll get your f..^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know,
tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm
hearing them scream right NOW! The rest of you wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have
a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, The B*tch from H*ll!
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2009
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to
forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone
the afternoon of the 23 rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays!
Joan
