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Post by Galadriel on Apr 2, 2007 11:18:36 GMT
A few know it already, but I wanted to say this to you all. I'm getting a divorce. Things have been going bad and worse and we just don't belong together anymore. We both want different things in life and my love for him has died out. This is not an annoucement I make to get pity from everyone, on the contrary, I'm happy that I finally had the courage to go through with it. What I can use, is good advice on how I should do things now. and if someone happens to have a goose with golden eggs or a money tree in the backyard, please call me, I could use the money to start over. So, that was it, don't worry for me, I'll get there. It's time I think of myself now for a change.
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Post by Ubereil on Apr 2, 2007 12:39:27 GMT
Money tree? You're referring to your husband? Anyway, good luck with the divorce and all that. I know you can do it. I don't have much advice to give though, since I haven't gone throuth that many divorces. What you CAN do is to try and make it look like you're divorceing him because he's cheating on you. This might look like something really hard to pull off, but with your elvem magic is should be a breeze, and it will really be a joker to pull out in those negosiations, since your husband won't expect it at all. Übereil
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Post by Glance A'Lot on Apr 2, 2007 13:08:01 GMT
Übereil, I don't know how it is in Belgium or Sweden - but divorces for cause of 'cheating' are not a standard reason anymore (at least that is true in Germany, and we're generally not said to be the most advanced in this sector).
Plus, if it ain't the truth, then it is a miserable thing to claim.
Kylia, I've been through this, and it is never easy. The more you can agree on together, the better. If you can, get a mediated divorce (Don't know, if that goes in Belgium - that's when basically both parties are in agreement and get one common lawyer for advice instead of two fighting each other). But one thing for sure - get legal advice! There's a ton of things to consider, and you must know your rights. You may decide to waive one or the other - but if so, you should do it knowingly. The same is true for your husband, of course.
I wish you strength and persistence!
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Post by Ubereil on Apr 2, 2007 14:06:12 GMT
Ah, right... But you have nothing against the use of Elven magic?
Übereil
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Post by Glance A'Lot on Apr 2, 2007 15:47:03 GMT
Elven Magic? No, not when used by Kylia
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Post by Elliot Kane on Apr 2, 2007 15:59:23 GMT
I agree with Glance - very sensible.
My thoughts are with you, Kylia, and I wish you all the best at this difficult time.
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Post by Venom65437 on Apr 2, 2007 16:26:59 GMT
I have nothing else to add, I already knew. I just wanted my name in this thread!
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Post by Galadriel on Apr 2, 2007 16:55:25 GMT
Thanks for your support guys. And Glance is right, you cannot pull the cheating thing here anymore either, that law has been changed recently. I'll get through, many have done, so why shouldn't I? I'm strong and independant, I can also pull this off. I just need to be strong for the time that I have to stay in the house. We are not planning on fighting over the divorce, so we might not even need a lawer.
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Post by Alrik on Apr 2, 2007 17:11:57 GMT
Hello, I feel kind of sad for it, but I wish you good luck nevertheless. I can't give you good advices, especially lot for Belgium (which I don't know enough). Maybe you can ask the Larians if they have need for an employee ?
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Post by rockergrl on Apr 2, 2007 17:53:32 GMT
Hey Kylia,
I know I said it before but I'll say it again, good luck hope everything works out for you. I know you are strong! *hugs*
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Post by Galadriel on Apr 2, 2007 18:12:29 GMT
Hello, I feel kind of sad for it, but I wish you good luck nevertheless. I can't give you good advices, especially lot for Belgium (which I don't know enough). Maybe you can ask the Larians if they have need for an employee ? Alrik, thx for the message, even though you can't give advice. And about the job at Larian *I've heard they pay poorly * Rockergrl, thx hun, your support means a lot to me
I just found out he's been playing the victim with his friends. He sends mails around, telling them he was the one that counted himself away out of love for me, he doesn't get it that I was the one who counted herself away for the last 10 years. He only tried this past year, but then it was already too late. Man, I must look like the [Censored] now to his friends. Btw, he blames me too that he doesn't have any friends (he just made contact with an old class girlfriend) but he was the antisocial one, I think that there is no question about who is the most social person of us, right?
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Post by Gray Lensman on Apr 2, 2007 19:06:27 GMT
Oh, Kylia, I'm so sorry about what you're going through. That said, I'm happy if this gives you new opportunities in your life. You have my support through all of this, of course. I'm glad that you're managing through this well, though, and I hope everything turns out for the best for you and the family.
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Post by Terrordar on Apr 2, 2007 19:08:59 GMT
First thing you need to do is assure yourself financial security. Make sure that if you don't have a high paying job, that you get alimony. Also, child support if you'll be taking care of any kids you and your husband may have produced.
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Post by killerzzz on Apr 2, 2007 19:11:27 GMT
Sorry to hear this. I also can't give much advice in the matter, but I wish you the greatest of luck in the time to come. Killerzzz
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Post by Alrik on Apr 2, 2007 21:57:39 GMT
I can only say that you should try to depart not in war. Not like "The War of the Roses".
I know it's a bit extreme, but I just couldn't say how to explain better what I mean.
I just fear that everything of the last months played a role in this - even that stalker (?) who sent fake e-mails.
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Post by janggut on Apr 3, 2007 1:41:35 GMT
Gal, e-mail me, ok? anytime. i will reply the latest by 2 days. do take care, & yeah take note of Glance's advice. TD's sounds very good as well.
hope your boy will be alright despite all this. bless u, dear friend.
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Post by cleglaw on Apr 3, 2007 1:45:24 GMT
1. Make absolutely sure this is what you want. Try couples counseling if it suits you both.
2. If you do get a divorce, then learn from the past. Do not immediately get into another commited relationship.
3. You will know what is important to you in a man. Pick your next one carefully before you marry him.
4. There is hope.
I have been married twice. My 1st marriage lasted about 2 years and ended in divorce. It was very painful. This year will mark my 30th wedding anniversary to my 2nd wife. My 2nd wife is in many ways the opposite of my 1st. It has not always been smooth; the biggest secret is to find a good person and for both to be 100% commited to remaining together and riding out the storms.
I hope this helps.
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Post by janggut on Apr 3, 2007 1:47:34 GMT
@ Cleg -> & i'm sure it will last 30 more & beyond. thanks for caring, Cleg.
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Post by Galadriel on Apr 3, 2007 4:32:54 GMT
@ TD, Cleg and Glance I'm getting the finacial security I need, already opened a new bankaccount, get my paycheck send to that one, and there is a small amount of taxmoney we should get back, wich should be split in half, so half is mine. It's not that much, but every Euro is one more that takes off the pressure. After this house is sold, I get half of what is left and then I can move out.
@ Jang I pm'd you hun
Alrik I know what you mean with that movie, I've seen it too
@ Cleg Thx for your advice, but the truth is, for now, I really don't want to get into another relationship. It may sound selfish, but I think it's about time I think of myself for a change, instead of thinking of my partner. If I go out shopping for my son for example, I want to buy that pair of pants for him without having to ask his approval. If I want to smoke, go out with some friends for a beer or don't wanna have sex, if I wanted to talk to folks online etc, it shouldn't be with a fight every day. I know I'm getting out personal stuff here now, but that was my marriage, having to ask everything and having to do everything he told me too. And I did it for 10 years, just to keep peace, but even that didn't work.
Many of you had to listen to my complaints when we had yet another stupid fight about random things, I think they are all glad this is over. I'm pretty sure I will be happy at last.
Thank you all for you support and caring
"I'm Outta Love" (this song states best how I feel)
Ooooha Whoa Yeah yeah yeah yeah Oh yeah Aha
Now baby come one Don't claim that love you never let me feel I should have known 'Cause you brought nothing real Come on be a man about it You won't die I ain't got no more tears to cry And I can't take this no more You know I gotta let it go And you know
I'm outta love Set me free And let me out this misery Just show me the way to get my life again 'Cause you can't handle me (I said) I'm outta love Can't you see Baby that you gotta set me free I'm outta love
Yeah
Said how many times Have I tried to turn this love arond? But every time You just let me down Come on be a man about it You'll survive True that you can work it out all right Tell me, yesterday Did you know? I'd be the one to let you go? And you know
I'm outta love Set me free (Set me free, yeah) And let me out this misery (Oh let me out this misery) Just show me the way to get my life again 'Cause you can't handle me (I said) I'm outta love (I'm outta love) Can't you see Baby that you gotta set me free I'm outta
Let me get over you The way you've gotten over me too, yeah Seems like my time has come And now I'm moving on I'll be stronger
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Post by Elliot Kane on Apr 3, 2007 8:39:35 GMT
Kylia - I think you are very wise on not seeking any kind of relationship at all right now, and instead concentrating on being yourself. Too many people who go through break ups lose themselves far worse than ever in the months following by drown out their sorrows in one way or another - none of which work. Endure it, and you get through it faster.
I totally understand your reasons, too. Any relationship should be a partnership - a meeting of equals, if you will. Anything that is not is a bad relationship.
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