badheroine
Apprentice
Don't let today's disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow's dreams.
Posts: 250
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Post by badheroine on Nov 2, 2009 8:16:08 GMT
@ Ube - Just wondering, why does it have to be someone your own age? Take a leap of faith..... you can find very strange feelings buried somewhere inside you for someone who can be 6, 7, 8, 9 years your junior or senior..... there's 12 years between my dad and my step-mum and they have been together 15 years.
Finding someone you can relate to on an intimate level has nothing to do with the year you were born or star alignments or card readings..... it's simply about getting "THAT" feeling and realising it's not indigestion.
And if I am completely honest, stop looking for love.... let it find you.... and it really does happen. I've been in love 3 times and still love all 3 guys and they are all still a part of my life... we had all given up looking for love and then it just appeared in our lives. When things didn't work out, we shed our tears, had our hugs, and realised we were not meant to be. When it seems the world around you is all moving in the opposite direction to you, you might just bump heads with THE ONE (and for any smart alec who thinks I mean Neo, you are very very wrong)!!!!!
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Post by Ubereil on Nov 2, 2009 8:28:24 GMT
I have missed several chances in life and I still sit and wonder about them despite being happily engaged with the most gorgeous beast on 2 little chubby legs! Stop that, it's silly. The opportunities won't come back just because you regret not taking them. Instead that kind of thinking will just plague your current existence. It's completely pointless. Übereil
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Post by Elliot Kane on Nov 2, 2009 10:11:39 GMT
"Only a fool has no regrets." - forget who said it, but it's very true. BH is right about one thing, though: "What If...?" is the saddest phrase known to humanity.
Regret may indeed be pointless, as Ube says, on a totally practical level. But we do it, anyway...
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Post by Ubereil on Nov 2, 2009 10:38:13 GMT
"Is a dream a lie if it don't come true or is it something worse" is sadder IMO. Übereil
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Post by Dark Phoenix Rising on Nov 2, 2009 10:43:10 GMT
As an aside, my wife is 8 years my senior...
Ube, have you tried finding a local pub/bar/thingy where you can go and read, or whatever. Even if it's just to read a book.
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Post by Flix on Nov 2, 2009 10:58:08 GMT
"Is a dream a lie if it don't come true or is it something worse" is sadder IMO. Übereil Yeah, Ube, but dreams are just a stream of "what-ifs" anyways....
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mobbie
Chaosite
Lalala
Posts: 906
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Post by mobbie on Nov 2, 2009 10:58:43 GMT
@elly Indeed I believe you to have made the correct assumption, as ub did, I would expect nothing less, even tho as flix said its a cryptical thread, for you to see through it should not be that hard. @ubbie, well... MSN +what I said to elly ^^ Flix Cryptical it may be, not for long though... It's only cryptical due to me not being able to say it all in one setting without bursting to tears. Oh, and legal age in sweden is 15... Not that it makes ME feel any better. @bh Thanks for your kind words, really. I won't leave CC for a while atleast so .. Here I am. @everyone- I love hearing everyone who encouraged me in, what would seem, a state of insecurity and nervousity to go all the way with my love for her. Sadly its a misconception. I already did. She already did. We already have been eachothers' angels and we feel a love so strong that the next part is NOTHING but cruel, evil, and quite frankly devastating to us both. We can't be together... She's affraid. And to not be together... Everyday from here on till atleast summer, we will see eachother... And my heart is already beaten to a pulp by words like "we cant" or "it must stop". Still it lives and beats only for that person, but only to be hurt even further... No... Going for it was a 1month long nervous state of mind where I always asked myself why I wanted it.. Couldn't find a reason. It's trying to stop it that's the hard part... Because honest to myself, I dont want to..
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Post by Elliot Kane on Nov 2, 2009 11:33:55 GMT
When two young and emotionally vulnerable people are thrown together... Well, you can easily follow the rest of that, Mobs, because you know the reality of it... Doesn't surprise me, but I'm not judging you (Either of you) either. I think right now both of you are looking at what you can and can't be through a distorted lens, though. You're trying to pretend you are something you are not because you think you SHOULD be. Which is why you feel you can't be together. I hope that makes sense without giving anything away you don't want said, yet...
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mobbie
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Post by mobbie on Nov 2, 2009 11:51:06 GMT
I feel there's no further need to keep it cryptical, besides it feels wrong to have some individuals knowing more than the others. Sec.
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mobbie
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Post by mobbie on Nov 2, 2009 11:52:43 GMT
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mobbie
Chaosite
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Post by mobbie on Nov 2, 2009 11:53:50 GMT
And what a poor brother I make, falling for her... Having her fall for me.. It's destroying us now
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Post by Dark Phoenix Rising on Nov 2, 2009 11:54:26 GMT
still don't see the problems... but that may just be me.
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mobbie
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Post by mobbie on Nov 2, 2009 12:04:32 GMT
The problem DPR, is that she has moral and ethical regrets for loving me... She won't dare telling everyone and as such, she doesn't think she's the right for me. We try to live as siblings but its so so hard... I tried convincing her, no matter what people may say I will be with her, and it's not a weird thing as we are in no way related by blood.. But then again try seeing it from her perspective DPR. She's new in the family (new, aka 5months, new to the whole relative-part but not to the family ofc) Would it not be hard for you to say, as a newcommer to a family, that you are in love with your "brother"/"sister" ? Would it not feel weird to have people think things and judge you for the inappropriate love? I have no problems with it, but it's my family, I can tell them to **** off if needed, she can't...
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mobbie
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Lalala
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Post by mobbie on Nov 2, 2009 12:07:54 GMT
Hey, Mobbie, good to read you're doing better. As long as you're a gentleman, and that you both are conscious and respectful (and take the time you need to make things right), it should be fine. I forgot to say hi to one of my dearest! Hi fille You can trust I won't mistreat her but I fear it's already a bad thing to have showed her I love her... But hiding it did tear me apart slowly. PM me to catch up on things I wanna say hi to you more =)
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Post by Dark Phoenix Rising on Nov 2, 2009 12:19:14 GMT
This is my point, she's only been in the family for 5 months, and she came in as an adult (or as near as). Your bodies, and brains are not saying "This is my brother/sister", their saying this is an attractive member of the opposite sex that I spend lots of time with, and get on well with.
If she'd been adopted when you were 8 and she was 3, then yes I'd have more of a problem with it than now.
Realistically, I suspect that your parents will have very little trouble with it as well. You not being in a professional situation, or a position of trust (like teachers, doctors, etc. are)
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Post by Elliot Kane on Nov 2, 2009 12:53:19 GMT
Were it not obvious already, I'm with DPR on this one. Your girl is afraid of being rejected by her new family, Mobs, so of course her point is easy to see and understand. The repercussions of the two of you being together would be bad enough, but she must also be imagining how much worse it would be if you split... These are real fears that need addressing. And the only answer is constancy. If she's a 'for life' kind of girl, show her that. Prove it over time. Make it clear you see this as forever and she will have no more reason to hesitate. Your family will doubtless be glad for you both, and this too she will see, in time. No-one can know the future, but we can try to forge a path to it. Show her that. Too many people spend their time trying to be who they think they SHOULD be, rather than being who they ARE, IMO. The world would be a happier place if they didn't - but hey, I'm not judging. I do it myself, after all
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mobbie
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Post by mobbie on Nov 2, 2009 13:05:13 GMT
It's easy to say these things but with her past, it's so hard to make her trust me in that way, I do persist in trying tho...
It's just, she has moved 18 times in her life... at the age of 15. She has lived in 9 different families and at every type of carecenter there is... She has never ever had a true boyfriend just guys wanting to have sex with her... She had sex once and it completely sucked for her, afterwards the guy told her to **** off... And face it, all are nice in the beginning, every girl in the world knows that. But I have come past that border, she knows I love her fully and I know she loves me, but to trust me enough to come forward with it... It's hard for her.
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mobbie
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Post by mobbie on Nov 2, 2009 13:05:59 GMT
@elly in specific- Yes, your words ring true, the problem is getting there.
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Post by Elliot Kane on Nov 2, 2009 13:35:56 GMT
Never said it was easy Mobs. Just that that's your path
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badheroine
Apprentice
Don't let today's disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow's dreams.
Posts: 250
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Post by badheroine on Nov 2, 2009 13:51:42 GMT
OK, Mob, this breaks down a little further than being broken hearted.
Personally I can understand exactly where you are coming from. You have been put into the situation of "big brother" and now that feelings have emerged, it's a guilt trip for you because of the way you guys have come together. It's completely understandable.
As for her, I'm sorry to say this hunny but I can totally see where she is coming from too. Never had a serious relationship, and has been shunted from pillar to post and as for the whole sex thing.... wow.... I'm amazed the girl is still standing! She is still very young and has had to deal with "adult" situations for far too long. She is probably very confused by a lot of what is going on around her and she probably has some major, unaddressed, trust issues. Those combined with her age, despite her maturity, are enough to seriously jeopardise one's state of mind. She may have feelings for you and vice versa, but to be honest, this is a huge step for her to take, and I think right now, you need to be her friend and then develop it further at a later stage. By starting a relationship with you she is jumping into a pool without seeing if there is water in there. She doesn't know what she is getting into and that probably worries her a lot. I know you guys have spoken about things and maybe you should keep talking about them until something more definitive has been mutually agreed on.
I firmly believe in going for it and I will stand by that decision with regards to this relationship as well. However, before you go jumping in head first, you need to test the water. You guys know you get on and that is great, but with so much turmoil in her life thus far, getting into a relationship, which could develop further to something more permanent must scare the pants off of her.... she doesn't know stability and that is what you are offering.
I know this is going to be really hard for you to deal with and it makes things worse knowing she is around all the time, but take a step back and tell her that you can understand the difficulties and see that the circumstances might seem peculiar, and you are prepared to go back to square one and stay there until she is ready to advance.
I'm hoping this has made some sense and I am not just waffling on randomly!!!!
My heart goes out to you hunny and I really hope this situation gets rectified for you x
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