the idea for this thread is stolen from my brother's roleplaygroup's forum (which I joined to do all their funny tests, and now I'm going to play my first pen and paper RPG campaign because of it , but this is Off Topic), and the thought of is that it's generally funny. The point of it is to gather all the funny things we find online (and elsewear) into one thread, so we don't post loads of separate small threads (and that pepole who's found something funny but don't think it deserves a thread of it's own can post it without feeling bad about it). How you do it:
If you find a funny comicsrip, you post it here. If you find a funny picture, you post it here. Hear a funny joke? Well, post it here. See a funny video online? Well guess what, you post it here. Funny thing happened at work? Well, this is the generally funny thread, you're supposed to post funny stuff here, so post that too (if you like that is, you're not forced to .
Now, wasn't that a nice sales talk? ;D
PS How was it with the humor level on this forum? Don't want to post anything offensive, so to speak... DS
Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe.
Great song at least Alrik, but not THAT funny IMO (but don't take this as though I didn't like your post ).
WW2 as an onlinegame:
*Fu** Killer[AoE] has joined the game.* *Eisenhower has joined the game.* *paTTon has joined the game.* *Churchill has joined the game.* *benny-tow has joined the game.* *T0J0 has joined the game.* *Roosevelt has joined the game.* *Stalin has joined the game.* *deGaulle has joined the game.* Roosevelt: hey sup T0J0: y0 Stalin: hi Churchill: hi Fu** Killer[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks! paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks T0JO: lol Roosevelt: o this foockin sucks i got a depression! benny-tow: haha america sux Stalin: hey Fu** Killer you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool? Fu** Killer[AoE]; sure whatever Stalin: cool deGaulle: **** Fu** Killer rushed some1 help Fu** Killer[AoE]: lol bye bye frenchy Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me Roosevelt: get anti-air guns Churchill: i cant afford them benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is? paTTon: stfu Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army paTTon: yah hurry the foock up Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded deGaulle: this is foockin weak u guys suck *deGaulle has left the game.* Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k? benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair? benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head? Fu** Killer[AoE]: ROFLMAO T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u Roosevelt: wtf! thats bull**** u f*gs im gunna kick ur butts T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol Roosevelt: u little b**** ill get u Fu** Killer[AoE]: wtf Fu** Killer[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge foockin army Fu** Killer[AoE]: thats bull**** u hacker Churchill: lol no more france for u Fu** Killer Fu** Killer[AoE]: tojo help me! T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard Fu** Killer[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path Stalin: WTF u a**l! WE HAD A FooCKIN TRUCE Fu** Killer[AoE]: i changed my mind lol benny-tow: haha benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1 T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full Fu** Killer[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya Stalin: church help me Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here Stalin: dont be an a** Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late Eisenhower: LOL benny-tow: hahahh oh **** help Fu** Killer: o man ur foocked paTTon: oh what now b**** Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol *benny-tow has been eliminated.* benny-tow: lame Roosevelt: gj patton paTTon: thnx Fu** Killer[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my s*** Fu** Killer[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record Eisenhower: Nuts! benny~tow: wtf that mean? Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped paTTon: coming to get u Fu** Killer u paper hanging hun c*********. Stalin: rofl T0J0: HAHAHHAA Fu** Killer[AoE]: u guys are fockin lame Fu** Killer[AoE]: ur never getting in my city *Fu** Killer[AoE] has been eliminated.* benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL Stalin: OMG LMAO! Fu** Killer[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows *Fu** Killer[AoE] has left the game* paTTon: hahahhah T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs benny~tow: shut up noob Roosevelt: haha wut a moron paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now? Eisenhower: yah me too T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol Eisenhower: foock u paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie Stalin: go to h*** lol paTTon: fock this s*** im goin afk Eisenhower: yah this is lame *Roosevelt has left the game.* Fu** Killer[AoE]: wtf? Eisenhower: s*** now we need some1 to join *tru_m4n has joined the game.* tru_m4n: hi all T0J0: hey Stalin: sup Churchill: hi tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff! tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple Stalin: omg dont be lame gimmie nuculer secrets T0J0: wtf is nukes? T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****! *T0J0 has been eliminated.* *The Allied team has won the game!* Eisenhower: awesome! Churchill: gg noobs no re T0J0: thats bull**** u foockin suck *T0J0 has left the game.* *Eisenhower has left the game.* Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for **** Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumb*** tru_m4n: l8r all benny~tow: bye Churchill: l8r Stalin: f*** u all tru_m4n: shut up commie lol *tru_m4n has left the game.* benny~tow: lololol u commie Churchill: ROFL Churchill: bye commie *Churchill has left the game.* *benny~tow has left the game.* Stalin: i hate u all f*** *Stalin has left the game.* paTTon: lol no1 is left paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep *paTTon has been eliminated.* paTTon: o s***! *paTTon has left the game.*
Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt And sense of betrayal were overwhelming.
But every now and then he'd hear an internal reassuring voice in his Head that said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to Reality.
........you're a vet!
Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe.
DARTH VADER: "Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father." LUKE: "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!" DARTH VADER: "No! I am your father!" LUKE: "No, it's not true! It's impossible." DARTH VADER: "Search your feelings; you know it to be true." LUKE: "NO!" DARTH VADER: "Yes, it is true and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?" LUKE: "Threepio?" DARTH VADER: "Yes, Threepio, I built him when I was seven years old." LUKE: "No." DARTH VADER: "Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp." LUKE: "I destroyed your precious Death Star!" DARTH VADER: "When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!" LUKE: "Well, it's not my fault." DARTH VADER: "Oh, here we go. 'Poor me, my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday, boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith.. waahhh wahhh!'" LUKE: "Shut up." DARTH VADER: "You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!" LUKE: "I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!" DARTH VADER: "Oh, for the love of the Emperor, 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open. Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer, right here baby!" Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step toward it. DARTH VADER: "I was wrong. You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine."
Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft. Darth Vader looks after him. DARTH VADER: "And get a haircut!"
Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe.
I am writing to say what an excellent prod uct you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people. Kylia ;D
1. COWS 2. THE AMERICAN CONSTITUTION 3. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
COWS Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that the american government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington and they tracked her calves to their stalls? But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around the country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.
THE AMERICAN CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.
TEN COMMANDMENTS The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse........You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians -- it creates a hostile work environment.
A cowboy was herding his cows in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW roared out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?
The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.
He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
“You're a Congressman in the U.S. Government", says the cowboy.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you wanted to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows.... Now give me back my dog"
There was a couple who was about to get married. Before the wedding, they had a tragic accident and both died. As they were standing at the gates of heaven talking to St. Peter they explained their plight and asked could they get married in heaven. St. Peter said, "Wait here," and left. He was gone for several months then finally returned. The couple said, "We've been thinking as we were waiting here, eternity is a long time to be married. Just in case things don't work out, is it possible that we can get a divorce?" St. Peter looked them sternly in the eye then said, "Listen! It took me three months to find a preacher up here, do you know how long it would take me to find a lawyer?"